5 Ways To Prepare For Death Of A Loved One

Engage Team • August 22, 2016

All of us will cope with the death of someone we love in our lifetime. It is a natural part of life. This loss can be a confusing time and some advanced preparation can allow you to properly mourn without dealing with stressful decisions. Often, we are able to foresee this loss approaching in the case of an aging or ill family member. In these cases, we should take advantage of the extra time we have to prepare for the inevitable. This time should be used to organize the details so that we have space to mourn and heal when the time comes. Here are some ways to prepare for the death of a loved one.

1. Arrange for support
Encourage friends and family members to come visit your loved one. Make them aware that you will be seeking support and companionship in the coming days. Try to be clear about your needs with the people you trust. You may want to arrange for a friend to deal with your mail and screen your phone calls upon your loved one’s passing. If you are part of a religious community, your congregation and religious leader can also be a wonderful source of support.

Funeral homes can also provide support and direction in this trying time. Funeral directors are trained to help people cope in these situations and they can provide a wealth of comfort and useful information.

Additionally, inform your boss and place of employment about what you are facing. The sooner they know that you need time off or coverage at your job, the more effectively they can help accommodate your needs.

2. Paperwork
There might be a lot of paperwork to do upon the death of a loved one. This can include submitting an obituary to the newspaper, informing the government about the death, or closing financial accounts. Contact the necessary parties to see how you can streamline these processes. It is possible you’ll be able to complete some of these tasks ahead of time, which will make things easier. After your loved one is gone, you will want space to grieve. Paperwork will not be high on your list of preferred activities.

3. Inform people
It’s important that your loved one’s social circle knows that they are approaching the end. People will want an opportunity to make final memories.
With your loved one’s permission, contact the people in their life. Invite them to come visit. No one likes to be surprised by a funeral announcement. These phone calls are better made ahead of time.

4. Collect important documents
There are a number of documents that you need to have access to after someone dies. Some of these may be difficult to find and you might need to ask the person where they keep these items, so this collection is best done before their passing. This could include:

  • IDs: driver’s license, birth certificate, social security card
  • Tax returns
  • Property deeds
  • Safety deposit box information and keys
  • Titles for vehicles
  • Business paperwork
  • Marriage license or divorce papers
  • Investment documents such as stocks and bonds

These documents will help streamline the process of collecting on insurance policies or settling accounts after your loved one has passed.

5. Discuss and arrange funeral plans
Funerals require some decision-making and money. Many funeral homes require payment before the actual funeral service. This means you will need to consider how to handle the cost of the funeral for your loved one, if that cost has not been pre-paid or pre-arranged financially with the funeral home. One option is simply to save up the money. Alternatively, you can place the money in a bank account you have on file with the funeral home as part of a pre-arrangement. You can also use life insurance to pay for the final expenses as part of an assignment agreement.
It’s better to make these arrangements with both the funeral home and insurance provider before death happens. This way, you will know what documentation and information is needed after death to pay for the funeral service.

Find out if any funeral details have already been arranged. Often, a person will have already purchased a cemetery plot or expressed their desire for cremation. For more information on how to talk to an aging parent or loved one about death, see this article. Here are some questions to ask about the funeral arrangements:

  • Does your love one prefer cremation or burial?
  • Is there a place they would like to be interned or have their ashes spread?
  • Would they prefer a wake or memorial instead of, or in addition to, a funeral?
  • Do they have requests for content to be included in their obituary?
  • Is there a song they want played at their funeral or memorial service?
  • Is there a color or special outfit they’d like to be buried in?

Decide as many of these details as possible with the help of your loved one before their passing.

Loss is difficult. The first step of learning how to prepare for the death of a loved one is realizing that preparation is necessary. By arranging the details ahead of time, we can allow ourselves to grieve and find peace after their passing. If you are facing the death of someone you care about, use these tips to prepare efficiently.

What to Expect at a National Cemetery Funeral

By Engage Team • November 19, 2018
While there are certain standards of etiquette that apply to all funerals, the funeral process at a national cemetery is slightly different than a traditional cemetery. Knowing what to expect at a funeral or memorial service can make the process more comfortable for everyone involved. If you are going to a ceremony for a deceased veteran at a national cemetery, here is what to expect. National Cemeteries Don’t Host Funerals It’s important to be aware that national cemeteries don’t have the facilities to host traditional funeral services or open-casket viewing. Sometimes, families will choose to have a funeral prior to the ceremony at the national cemetery. The service that is held at a national cemetery is called “final committal service” and it is held at a committal shelter. When you arrive at the national cemetery, there will be an official to direct you to the proper committal shelter (there are often several of these shelters at a national cemetery). The final committal service usually lasts less than half an hour and can include (or not include) military honors . Flowers At most national cemeteries, it is appropriate for the family to provide flowers for the service. These will often travel with the urn or casket from the committal shelter to the gravesite and ultimately be placed on the filled grave. Each national cemetery has an individualized floral policy, so it’s important to confirm that your arrangement is welcome. You Can Visit the Grave... Later Funeral attendees are welcome to visit the grave of the veteran after the work day is over, but not immediately after the committal service. Arlington National Cemetery is Differen t Arlington National Cemetery, which honors between 27 and 30 deceased veterans each day, has a slightly different process. Attendees will meet at one of four meeting points in or around the cemetery and should plan to arrive between 30 and 45 minutes before the service because of security procedures. Arlington National Cemetery often has funeral processions and military honors can be performed at the gravesite, unlike other national cemeteries. During the honors, which are performed after the graveside service, the family will stand but other attendees are free to sit. After honors, an Arlington lady may present a card of condolences. This is the conclusion of the service and attendees will return to their cars.

7 Poems for a Funeral

By Engage Team • August 6, 2018
Poetry is an ancient form of written word that can bring immense comfort in times of grief. Death and loss are timeless subjects that have been explored by some of the greatest poets in history. If you have been asked to speak at a funeral, these poems can make excellent choices for readings. They can provide comfort and light during a dark and challenging time. 1. Death is Nothing At All by Henry Scott Holland Henry Scott Holland was a Professor of Divinity at Oxford and a canon of Christ Church in the late 1800s and early 1900s. This poem wasn’t a poem when it was first read, but a sermon written by the professor after King Henry’s death in 1910. The poem imbues listeners with a comforting sense that, though the deceased is gone, they are still close in heart and spirit. 2. A Child of Mine by Edgar Guest A deeply religious work, this poem is written from the perspective of Christ as a message to those who have loved the deceased, his child. It celebrates the honor of loving and caring for someone while they enjoy their earthly life, while also providing solace that the deceased has moved on to be with his Maker. 3. If I should die by Emily Dickinson Emily Dickinson is a recognizable name and her short, sometimes tragic, poetry has resonated with readers for centuries. This brief piece uses imagery of the natural world—“If birds should build as early/And bees as bustling go,”—to remind the audience that the world keeps turning. Death and loss can feel enormous and all-consuming, and this poem is a small, beautiful reminder that life goes on even as we experience grief. This idea is hopeful, because it means that we may someday be able to return to normality, if a bit changed. 4. Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye Like Death is Nothing At All, this poem reminds the reader that, though the deceased is gone in body, they are still present in spirit. This idea—that we carry our loved ones with us through experiences like feeling “the gentle autumn rain” or seeing “the diamond glints on snow,”—is a popular one that provides closure and peace during the sad occasion of a funeral. 5. Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost Another recognizable poet, Robert Frost was deeply inspired by nature. This poem outwardly appears to be about the seasons, which always change. It highlights the march of time that none of us can escape. This poem is a popular reading for funerals because it parallels the deceased with something gold—a good friend, a dear family member, no matter how loved, can never stay forever. 6. O Captain! My Captain! by Walt Whitman Another popular choice for funeral readings, Walt Whitman’s O Captain! My Captain! was written after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. This poem, a bit darker than the previous ones on this list, still carries a sense of honor for the deceased. It is a popular choice for veterans or those who have worked together. While some of the images in the poem are forlorn, there is also a sense of celebration and positivity to the achievements of the deceased: “For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding.” 7. Dirge Without Music by Edna St. Vincent Millay This poem is a very relatable one for a funeral. It is about the reluctance to accept death, despite its inevitability. Readers of this poem make positive associations with the deceased through lines like, “Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind/Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave,” while also acknowledging the difficulty of loss. The Right Poem for You These are some of the most classic choices. While you might want to find a new or unique poem to read at a funeral (or even write your own), there can be immense comfort in a reading this is familiar to you and the audience. Choose a reading that resonates with you and brings you peace, and it is sure to be a wonderful addition to the funeral.

How to Create a Funeral Program

By Engage Team • July 23, 2018
The program is a small and easy-to-forget part of a well-planned, organized funeral or memorial service. Sometimes called an order of service, the funeral program is a simple brochure or pamphlet that you hand out to guests. This document outlines the process of the service (what will happen) and sometimes includes a brief overview of the life milestones and achievements of the deceased. As with many features in a funeral or memorial service, programs are not “required,” but they can be a pleasant feature that honors the deceased and provides attendees with happy memories. If you decide to create programs for a funeral service, here are some tips. Do It Yourself or Outsource While planning a funeral is often an overwhelming duty, you might be able to find time to make your own funeral programs. Sometimes, outlining the life of your loved one can even be therapeutic and healing. It can also help you visualize the process of the funeral or memorial service, which can be comforting. If creating the program sounds too difficult or you just don’t have time, you can also outsource this duty to a printer or online service who will create and mail you the programs. You will still need to provide the information to be included in the program and an image of the deceased. The printer will also want some guidance about type of paper, art to be included, and font for the program. What to Include in a Funeral Program A funeral program is often a folded document, much like a greeting card. In this style, the cover includes a large image of the deceased, their name and life and death dates. The inside pages are for the obituary and the order of events for the service. You can also include copies of scripture readings or poems that will be delivered at the service. Another option, which also saves money, is to create a one page program. In this style, you can include a small image of the deceased at the top of the page, their name and life dates, and the order of events. You also have the option of including a short obituary on the back on the page, but it’s not necessary. Here is a short checklist if what to include in the funeral program: An image of the deceased Their full name Dates of birth and death Order of events for service Obituary ( click here to read more about how to write an obituary) Funeral Program Templates If you’ve chosen to create and print your own funeral programs, templates can be very helpful. There are plenty of places that you can find these. Canva is a free website that allows you to download templates, enter your personal information and add design elements. QuickFuneral.com also offers a variety of templates that you can download and edit. While you are free to simply use Microsoft Word or another text editing software, templates can offer a more professional, polished look for your funeral program. Are Funeral Programs Important? Funeral programs can provide a more organized experience during the funeral for guests and the family of the deceased. During a time of grief, organization and simplicity are important. But the creation of a funeral program shouldn’t be a burden or another source of stress. If you have time, the program can be a useful addition to the memorial service, but it shouldn’t upset you further during a time of grief. Make the right decision for you and your circumstances when it comes to creating a funeral program.
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